Epilogue

Writing Backstory was a very in-depth and intense three days. I have other stories lined up and I felt that it was crucial to tell my personal story before I launched into more personal tales.

Telling my personal story inspired a real change in me. I’ve been on a long journey and over time my mindset, perception, and attitude has slowly shifted and sharpened in very dramatic ways.

Sometimes I will sit when I have a moment of silent solitude and I will think back on what I was doing on this very day a year ago, two years ago, three years ago, and so forth. And it really is awe-inspiring to know how different my life is from one year to the next.

As you can see, it’s been one month ago today (the 24th) when I wrote the conclusion. Of course, I didn’t mean for so much time to elapse but like I said, those were three very intense days.

In that month, I still got down and discouraged. I always will. That’s life. Even though I’ll have these fleeting moments of sadness and lows, they really are just fleeting and momentary. And honestly, each day is the happiest day of my life.

Changing and growing, especially coming from a less-than-ideal beginning and having to almost rebuild from scratch takes a long time. It is something that takes months and more than likely—years. It’s a long, arduous journey but it is so very worth it.

In the month that I let my story out, I have grown even more. I’ve rediscovered some passions and I feel like I figured out what I really want to focus on and what I really want to do with my life. I feel for the first time in my life that my feet are firmly planted on a solid ground of hope, faith, and commitment. I truly understand courage. And now that I have self-worth and self-respect and self-love, I feel like nothing can stop me.

I never really meant for this blog to be anything but a personal journal. A place to share my struggles and inner quirkiness. To share my random opinions and show you my weird little drawings. My posts have been few and far in-between. But that seems to be my cycle. I get these strong convictions, stories, or ideas that sum up my epiphanies. I ruminate over them until I absolutely have to share them.

I write this blog post today because I felt like I had to recognize this tiny little milestone. In one way it’s only been one measly month. But in another way, it already feels like many, many months ago. Sometimes it takes years for your life to change but other times, everything changes in a matter of moments.

Life is momentary and fleeting and terrifying but life is gracious and beautiful and incredibly satisfying.

Sometimes I feel so old. I can’t believe that I’m already 32 years old. Sometimes I wonder if I’m too old for some things and I’m sure there are things for which I am. But then I also feel very young and brand new. Many days I feel like I haven’t even gotten started and I’m only now beginning.

I feel like I can start over and begin anew but then with a lot of wisdom and life lessons under my belt. I already have a head full of words and techniques and tools that help me cope. But it’s exciting to know that I could possibly have decades worth of life left to learn even more.

Life astonishes me every day. Every morning when I wake up it is no longer dreaded. I truly get excited about starting a whole new day even if I end up not doing much with it. I am still so excited to have a second chance day after day after day.

This post is a little bridge to what comes next, whatever that may be.

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