Every day I find myself doing the same thing. I make big plans. I draw up my maps. I pencil things in on my calendar. I have blocks of time set aside to be productive.
I ease into my mornings. I can’t rush it. I don’t want to overwhelm myself. I don’t want to spook any inspiration that may be shyly hiding around the corner. I have some story ideas, a few poems, even a couple of drawings swirling around in my head, ready to be put down on paper.
I have writer meetups that I’ve RSVP’ed to. I have approaching deadlines for submissions to literary journals.
But I take 2 hours to drink my coffee. I get on Twitter and Facebook and catch up on the latest news. Sometimes I turn on the TV for background noise.
Before I know it, though, it’s the late afternoon and I haven’t done a damn thing. I get around to eating breakfast. More like brunch at this point.
I find myself popping on and off Facebook. I scroll aimlessly down the page and I realize I’m looking at the same things that I JUST looked at.
Then I notice the sun is going down and I’ve yet to do anything that most normal adult humans would consider productive. I think about exercising but skip it instead. I’m tired and disappointed. I have errands that I should have taken care of earlier. I have a to-do list ready for each day. It’s the same one over and over and new things get tacked on every day.
But what do I do? I leave it for Future Kristin. Future Kristin is, of course, me in the future but a much better version of me. She’s basically a superhero.
Her superpowers include being well rested, more energetic, staying calm and cool. She’s smarter, more accomplished, more motivated, more creative.
Future Kristin has already written that novel and/or that chapbook of poems. She goes to meet up with other writers and attends readings and workshops. She has submitted to literary contests because she meets deadlines. Future Kristin is a go getter and she gets things done. She is a responsible adult and has her shit together. She’s self-sufficient. She’s the kind of girl that people actually want to hang out with and not feel awkward as shit around.
All in all, Future Kristin is a fucking badass. That’s why I always leave everything to her. She’ll be able to handle it better than what I will.
Because present day me is frumpy and tired and wearing sweat pants that may as well be a second skin. I breathe heavily after walking up one flight of stairs. I dream about eating ice cream—SO MUCH ice cream—every day. Future Kristin has found some way around that obsession. I just don’t know her secret yet.
I want to become her eventually. Yet I put her off and I don’t know why. But she’s there, waiting for me. She’ll wait because she’s patient and awesome. But I’m not her yet.
I’ve been trying to find that meteorite or that radioactive spider that will eventually turn me into Future Kristin. For now, I’ll just have to do it the old-fashioned way, through hard work, building endurance and self-discipline. Until then…